Tumblerine Dreams

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I need to start a family with you. This will just take a minute, okay?
     Well that depends if your “Make America Great Again” hat is ironic or not.
I actually only got this hat because there was no Richard Spencer apparel available at the time…
     Oh now I’m pissed.
Well I’m sure it’s nothing that Saturday morning cartoons can’t cure.
     I mean “Alt Right” is pretty heavy if that’s what you are.
Like, it might take something more than cartoons.

I don’t know about that. Poddington Peas was a magnificent and powerful cartoon.
     You’re dating yourself a little bit with that one my darling.
So what? The intro song is great.
Most newer cartoons are pretty lame anyway, unwatchable
     Okay, I just listened to it and I’m moderately impressed. I don’t watch a
      lot of cartoons.

Me neither. I mostly just watch the intros and sing along with the catchy tunes. As far as dating myself, your name’s Haley, sort of like the comet. I remember when it last appeared in 1986…
     I’m wondering, where is your Instagram, and where are our mutual friends?
Mine is set to private. We have no mutual friends.
     Either you’re fake, or you’re going to kill me.
I’m really not a killer. There has to be a third option.
     The third option is that you’re some weirdo Alt Right dude
      So I mean..

Well, that’s getting slightly closer to the truth
     I’m soooo mad
Are you or are you not a republican?
Well I’m not a “republican,” no
     Oh my God
What does it matter? Seems clear to me we get along well enough. We could be holding hands at the zoo right now, and nobody would ever know the difference.
     I wish. I absolutely love the zoo.
      I don’t know if I want to date a guy who might or might not be Alt Right,
      since I’m part Hispanic.

Hispanic is a bogus category. You don’t really even have mestizo features, so you’re probably mostly Spanish or Portuguese. You look huWhite to me. I’m not getting the vibe of an Aztec warrior princess ready to yank the beating heart from my chest on a sacrificial altar and offer it up to ye gods. I could be wrong though.
     What if you are wrong?
I’ll be a heartless bastard.

Brandon Adamson is the author of Beatnik Fascism

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